I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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