By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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