Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
