What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
