i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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