There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
