loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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