i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize