I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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