I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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