Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
