I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
