dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
