Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
