Im at strip club and am horny
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize