If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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