I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
