Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
