The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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