we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize