i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize