Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
