she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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