Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
