she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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