It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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