So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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