i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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