the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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