whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
