Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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