she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
