good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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