I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
