I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
