Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
