You're my little dorito
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize