the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
