Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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