you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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