im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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