epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
