I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
