the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize