I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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