you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
