Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
