She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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