I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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