I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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