my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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