So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
