The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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