Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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