I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize