i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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