It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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