Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
