so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
