I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
