I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
