So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
