his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
