Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
