Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
