ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
