I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We are two peas in an std pod
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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