I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Found your dick twin last night
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
