Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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